Outdoors Tips

15 of the Most Useful (and Hilarious) Camping Tips

funny camping tips

by Anna Fletcher

These useful camping tips are super handy for any kind of camping or backpacking trip!

  1. If you find yourself in emergency wilderness survival mode, the elastic band of your underwear makes a perfect slingshot for shooting small game.
  2. The urgency of a late night bathroom trip is directly proportional to the outside temperature, how complicated it is to get out of your mummy sleeping bag and how many layers of clothes you have on.
  3. Sighting a bald eagle is thrilling to campers of all generations. Sighting a bald man, however, does nothing for eagles.
  4. Perform this simple test to see if you qualify for solo backpacking:  Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out your other ear, do not go solo backpacking.
  5. If you’re camping with kids, take along the ones who know how to cook. That way, you can relax in your Lounger while your dinner is being made!
  6. On your first day at the campsite, enough dirt will be tracked into the tent that you can grow all the food you need for the rest of the trip in the rows between your sleeping bags!
  7. Based on completely made-up statistics, those who eat a hot breakfast are 90% more likely to survive a bear attack.
  8. Don’t try to make friends with raccoons. They will just charge at you, steal your food and then laugh about it with their friends.
  9. Iodine tablets can effectively be withheld from other campers as leverage (in case someone steals all your beef jerky or something).
  10. If you have the urge to seek revenge against the bear who stole your food, find his/her favorite tree stump, kick it open and eat all the ants. Take that, bear!
  11. As the distance hiked increases, the width of your backpack straps decreases. To compensate, the weight of your backpack will increase.
  12. A hot rock from the campfire placed at the bottom of your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm on chilly nights. A hot enchilada works well too, if you don’t mind the cheese sticking between your toes.
  13. Waterproof clothing isn’t, non-stick pans aren’t, one size fits all doesn’t, anything bug-proof isn’t and waterproof matches aren’t.
  14. An effective way of really compressing your sleeping bag into its stuff sack is running over it a couple times with your car.
  15. If a flash flood hits your campsite, your rain tarp can double as a sail for the raft.

Daniel Mayfield - Florida Sea Base Out Island Adventure Boy Scou

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